Not actually a question I have heard since I have been offline but I guess some of you might have wondered where I’ve been lately.
The last couple of weeks have been a complete roller coaster of emotions for me as I have moved house (I may have mentioned it once or twice in a previous blog….or two) and there has been all the stress that goes along with that too.
For once I have been relatively stable at work and my days have gone quite well due to my little routine that I have apparently keeping me on an even keel. Due to a complete mix up with the quotation on our removal package we ended up having to pack up our whole house in just a week. Stressful enough at the best of times but when you’re literally just throwing things in to a box and marking it for a particular room there is little time to actually organize what you need straight away in the new house. This has meant that the things we need have been split between boxes and we’re still trying to piece bits together as we have no idea where they might be. Thankfully for us (but not my parents) Ryanair have been cancelling flights all over the place so it meant that they were both available to help us pack and tidy up. I genuinely believe if it hadn’t been for them, my wife and I would never have got as far as we did before moving in day.
Anyways, on with the story. On the morning of the move we were all up early trying to finish off packing some of the loose bits and bobs still left in the various rooms of the house. We had some breakfast with the bits of food we had left in the cupboard and a cup of tea (because everything goes better with a cup of tea…..right?). Just after 8am there was a knock on the door and standing on the doorstep were 3 guys from the removal company. The main man had a little look around to see what the situation was and then made a comment about how much stuff was left. His exact words were “There’s a lot of clutter. We can’t move that lot”
At this point, my already fragile mind was starting to crumble and I started to have a bit of a rant at the main man. I could see he was just taking it in his stride as I’m sure he’s probably seen worse houses but it felt like a personal attack on me so I continued my verbal assault (albeit in a slight polite kind of way).
We agreed for them to take the boxes and main bits of furniture out to the lorry and then they would go for breakfast and give us an hour to try and box up the ‘clutter’ ready for going on the rest of the lorry.
It was at this point that my world came crashing down. I felt a complete lack of control and my head was beginning to get the familiar fuzzy feeling, complete with tingling arms and legs. I began to shake uncontrollably and started crying.
I felt useless
I was a waste of space
I was just getting in the way
It was just another thing that I couldn’t get right, or so I thought.
My wife spoke to me calmly and re-assuringly and made me remember that I had got this far and should be very proud of myself. I put on my ‘big boy pants’ and made an effort to get things finished. The lorry got loaded, my mum and my wife drove to the new house to get things ready for them to unload and my dad and I brought up the rear to pick up some of the loose bits still in the house.
We arrived at the new house and I helped unload. I began to feel a little more relaxed as I had some control over what was happening from now on. I was directing the guys in to the relevant rooms with their boxes and even standing at the lorry telling them where the pieces of furniture were going before they unpacked them. I was in my element as it made me feel important and needed again.
The rest of the day was spent creating walkways past boxes and then the Sunday (the day after the move) was spent taking control again and organising the garage while my daughter sorted her own room and my mum helped my wife sort out the kitchen cupboards and shelves. We are now at a stage almost 2 weeks later where we have a usable kitchen, a usable lounge and bedrooms that we can walk in to without tripping over boxes. The dining room still needs work, as does the front box room which is due to be my wife’s craft room and the garage needs electric in it so I can use it as my little ‘man cave / doodle studio’. However, the main feeling now is one of contentment. It feels a bit strange knowing that this pile of bricks and roof tiles is all ours and we will never need to ask someone else if we want to decorate it or change something but it is also a good feeling to know that this is our home.
Elsewhere in the last 2 weeks I have been trying to sort out address changes for various places and sorting out the various utilities being transferred to our new home. Not overly stressful but when your original order with your phone and internet company doesn’t appear to have been done correctly and they have to put another order in (resulting in a 2 week delay with out phone or WiFi) it doesn’t make it easy to contact people. But by using various free WiFi hot-spots and messaging people when possible it is finally sorted and we are back in the 21st century.
However, no WiFi is not actually a bad thing as it meant we had to talk to each other and appreciate each other’s company again. It made us connect with each other without the distraction of YouTube or FaceBook in the background and I must say that I really enjoyed my time away from ‘modern life’
I have also started my next group of counselling sessions and this time it focuses on Self Esteem. It’s pretty hard going so far as it has made me think about events in my past that I may not have even considered. This has been difficult for me because as far as I remember I was never mis-treated as a child and I like to think I had an awesome childhood. My parents gave us everything they could (and they still do) and we never wanted for anything. I was never bullied at school but I found it hard to make friends. My counselling has begun to make me think about myself as an individual and make me think about how I look at myself against how I perceive other see me. Like I say, it’s hard going but I think it’s going to help me in the long run.
The other big step I have taken this week is that I am going to try and sell my pictures. Today I found the pack of canvasses I had bought and I did the first one. It is a larger version of the picture I called ‘Silent Night’ and I am pretty chuffed with it (in a not very big headed type way) but I have no idea how much I should try and sell it for if anyone actually wants it. Still, I’ve put a piccie below for anyone to have a look at.
Oh well, thanks for making it this far and not falling asleep at my wittering on. Hopefully normal service is on it’s way to being resumed and I shall continue to try and keep heading forwards………………….