I genuinely have no idea what to write some days and whether it makes any sense to anyone other than myself but it at least helps me clear my head of whatever I may be worrying about.
As part of my time off work to try and get to grips with my continued depression and anxiety I have begun to find my love for photography again. This has involved me having to leave the house and get out in the big wide world that I have been trying to avoid for some time. I’m fortunate to live on a very picturesque island and have lots of places near my house that I can walk to and feel like I am a million miles away from real life. This is anything from a 5 minute trip through town to the harbour and riverside or a little bit further up to the castle at the other end of the town. Normally I will go for a walk and take in the sights and sounds anyway but when I have my camera with me I can get very distracted and look at things in even more detail. I have told by family members that I have an ‘eye’ for the unusual and like looking for the odd angles or things that most people might just pass by. I don’t know how true that is but I love looking at things differently and sometimes I surprise myself with the photos I take. By no means am I professional (I don’t know what most of the settings on my camera actually do) but I just like taking pictures.
One such walk recently has taken me along the riverside. Normally there is always a scene of swans, beautiful clouds and blue skies but on this one day there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just fog. This led to me getting some of my best shots in a while and some of which I am most proud of. I could barely see 10 feet in front of me and the other side of the river was non existent and although it was very eerie and silent at times it was also incredibly safe. While it might sound odd that being in the middle of nothing on your own feels safe it actually felt quite reassuring and almost like the fog wrapped itself around me to make sure nothing would hurt me. Then, when it started to clear it was almost like the fog would leave quietly as if to say “..it’s ok, you can do this on your own now.”
Now, this might all read as a bit of a cliche but is it at times like this that I have begun to realise that while I may feel alone the reality is that I actually CAN do this on my own. And I will.
My family and friends are a constant reminder of what is positive in my life and, since my most recent visit to the doctor, I have made a note every day of positive things that have happened to me that day. Anything from a smile from a stranger in the street to my daughter giving me a hug and telling me she loves me. The intention is that on my ‘off’ days I can look back at these notes and remember what is important. Not money. Not stuff. Just memories and enjoying what is out there every day for us that we probably take for granted.
Until next time………………………….