Now we are ‘officially’ in Spring I have been a bit more pro-active in getting out to do things and getting used to the big wide world in preparation for me returning to work in the next couple of weeks
I have been getting out of bed at about 7.30am (early enough for anyone really. Who genuinely needs to do anything at that time of day?) and having a proper breakfast with my daughter before she goes to school. I have then been listening to the radio while doing a bit of colouring in the living room. The beauty of this is that while doing relaxing, mindful patterns I am listening to hard rock / metal on Kerrang! Radio which is the complete opposite of relaxation but it works for me. Then I’ve been doing whatever I need to do in town. More often than not I don’t actually need to do anything in particular but I have been going out anyway.
Today gave me a little bit of a setback though. I woke this morning with a feeling in my throat and tummy of sickness coming. Sure enough I was sick. I’m pretty sure this was down to my choice of takeaway for my tea last night but that’s not the point. The point is, that even though this was probably the worst start to my day in quite some time I actually viewed it as a positive start.
How is this positive I hear you ask? (well, maybe not actually hear you as I am here anonymously behind my laptop and can’t really hear very much without my hearing aids in)
Well, the fact is this. Although I was sick, I didn’t die. That might sound extreme to some but when you have anxiety this is what you think will happen to you when you’re ill. Instead, I went to bed and put my headphones on and listened to calming meditation apps on repeat. After nearly an hour and a half of this I had a realisation that this wasn’t how my day was going to be spent. I went downstairs, put the kettle on and had some breakfast. I then started colouring in and watched a bit of telly. I didn’t leave the house but I didn’t sit and mope. I went out for a run in the evening and got a bit of fresh air while blowing some of the day’s cobwebs away for good.
The whole point of my inane rambling is that for most things we have a choice of what we do. Sometimes there are things beyond our control which will determine what we do (illness, weather etc..) but at other times it is our own mind which holds us back or pushes us forward. I have decided that wherever possible I am going to push myself forward and challenge my mind.
Onwards and upwards………………..