Today has been one of those days where little things seem to have annoyed me.

It started this morning when I went to do some laundry and found an empty bottle of conditioner on top of the machine. If it’s empty then throw it in the recycling box. I can’t be the only one who thinks that can I? I found the new bottle, got the machine on and sat down for a cup of tea. Only to find the kettle was empty and the water filter hadn’t been filled up either. This meant I had to wait for the water to go through the filter as well as then having to wait for the kettle to boil. Granted it doesn’t take that long but it’s the principle of it.

Kettle boiled and tea made I sat down to start a new doodle. Doodling is something I have started as a way of distracting myself at times of anxiety and I am quite enjoying seeing what designs I can come up with lately. The designs I have come up with appear to be almost psychedelic and almost like an optical illusion but they have been described by friends as mesmerizing to look at. Whilst I am proud of them, I do find though that I am having to try to come up with ever more intricate designs to satisfy people’s expectations. This is a little annoying for me in that I have tried (since my breakdown) to focus more on doing things for myself and not to do things just to please others. There are areas I feel like I have succeeded in doing this but there are times when I struggle still. I feel that I need to be more assertive but when you’ve been hiding behind a shell for most of your life to avoid confrontation and keep the peace it becomes quite difficult to say no (even if it’s just in your head you’re saying it). Anyways, while doing this latest design my pen decided it was going to run out. Cue another round of annoyance. I had another session of counselling to go to and I began to wind myself up by thinking that I wouldn’t have time to buy a new pen. I know what you’re thinking but when I’m in the middle of a picture, all I want to do is finish it without a fuss and start another and this was holding me back.

Finally I went to my counselling and although it went really well this week I was annoyed throughout it. Sat to my left, just in my line of vision, I could see one of the participants on their mobile phone for most of the session. Now, not only would I consider this to be extremely rude but it was also distracting (and not for a good reason). I kept quiet and listened intently to the next session which has given me another tool for my ‘mental health toolkit’.

On the way home I quickly dived in to WHSmith (other stationery shops are available) and found a new red pen so I could finish my doodle when I got back indoors.

So………..at the end of the day I had bought a pen, finished a doodle and been annoyed at least 4 times. However I managed to breathe, relax and concentrate on myself through it all. Am I the only one that had a day like this?

Maybe it’s time to go back to the drawing board (see what I did there?) and put myself first again more.

Until next time……………………

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