Ding…..ding….. (that was supposed to be the sound of the bell ringing the start of the round)

As I enter another week I have a bit of an up and down day today. This is kind of the staple for my life at the moment but at least I’m consistent.

The day started with an unnerving sense of impending doom and the onset of a panic attack. A few encouraging words from my wife and some hand holding helped me to realise I needed to breathe and it soon began to ease off. I have no idea what started it other than the fact we are off on holiday to the western end of the big island next week and I am already panicking about getting on the ferry. We are off to Cornwall for the week to visit my mother-in-law (she is NOT the reason for a panic attack though) and meet up with good friends while we are there. The intention is to meet up with people in the evening and then we are free to do what we wish during the day but I have a sneaky suspicion this will all fall by the wayside when we get there. Normally we stay at my mother-in-law’s house but we have decided this year to go camping instead. We are a family of campers and always enjoy the feeling of getting bitten by midges (gnats if you’re not Scottish like me) and eating processed foods but mostly we enjoy the almost solitary nature of it. We have picked a campsite near Cadgwith on the Lizard peninsula with stunning views across the coast. We have a rough idea of places we want to visit while we are there but mostly we intend to just take it as it comes and see where we end up. I can already feel myself relaxing but I just first have to get there. I have been on the ferry many times before and I know it’ll be alright when I get on it but it’s always that feeling of being closed in and stuck between people that makes me feel on edge. Then it’s the feeling of everyone getting off at once and thinking I’ll get lost in the crowd but once we’re on the road again it’s all right in my world.

Then the day got better as I received a phone call to say our mortgage off has finally been agreed and our solicitor is now in charge of our house purchase going through. I’m sure there will be times to come where I want to pull out of the process but for now it’s making me feel like I’m a proper grown up with grown up responsibilities.

As the day progressed it got steadily better. Another trip to my counselling (round 3…..see what I did there?) and a good day at work meant it was all going so well.

I finished work at 6pm and headed off then to the monthly catch up of the amazing Anxiety Cafe (see my earlier blogs for details of this) where I had a good catch up with some wonderful friends that I have begun to make through the group. We were discussing ways of how we (that’s people with anxiety e.g. me) help ourselves when we feel anxious and were sharing ideas. It was mentioned by the lovely lady who helps runs it that a few of us write blogs and it was then that I got requests for my page. Feeling a little bit uncomfortable I gave my details out for people to check out my blog (you could argue I was shamelessly plugging it) and then it was suggested I have my own Facebook page for my blog. Cue nervous laughter and a “Yeah I’ll think about it” kind of response. I have been told my writing style is friendly and open with a hint of sarcasm (a bit like me really) but if it helps someone else come to terms with their issues then it can only be a good thing.

Well, I’m home and I’ve thought about it and guess what? I am going to do it. Not right this moment but it is on the cards for the very near future. Another thing for me to overcome but considering what I’ve done so far I reckon I can do this one and make a pretty good go of it.

Then at the end of the day came the down. It’s not a massive thing but to me it was big enough. I recently purchased a picture by an artist I follow on Instagram and was looking forward to getting it. Well, it hasn’t arrived as such but I did get a lovely little card from the Post Office telling me that before I can have it I need to pay Β£23 in customs and handling charges. Add that to the cost of the picture (plus shipping fees) and it soon becomes an expensive print.

But it’s going to be worth it when it’s framed and on the wall of our new (grown up) house.

Until the next time…………………

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