Today has been a bit of a funny one.

I’m currently enjoying a week off work and so far I’ve spent my time doing absolutely nothing. Which may be a godsend to some people but to me, who has a bit of a thing about routine, it can make the day a bit difficult.

My normal daily routine would consist of getting up at 6am, breakfast, dressed and teeth brushed then out the door just after 7am. Get to work at about 7.40 and chill out before the day ahead which is also pretty structured.

This week though is different because the whole first part of the day doesn’t happen.

I’m still awake at the usual time but there’s no motivation to do anything. I get up and have breakfast but instead of getting everything ready for work I sit in front of the tv. I have even begun to watch a new series on Netflix and watched 3 episodes already (yeah it’s not exactly binge watching but it’s more than I’d usually do).

Today though came with a bit of a stumble (kind of like when you trip up but make it look like you meant it)

I woke up, listened to the radio going on, heard the rain outside and waited for my wife’s alarm to go off. When it did, she was up and off out to work for her usual time. I went down to have some breakfast but there was an unsettling feeling. No discernible reason for it but I just couldn’t settle at anything. I watched a bit more of ‘The Dark Crystal’ on Netflix but couldn’t even concentrate on that and gave up halfway through an episode. I started a new scribble drawing and got as far as a few lines and a central ‘shape’ to work around.

I decided I’d go for a walk into town and get some fresh air. I told my daughter I was popping to the daytime anxiety cafe I often go to. The walk would do me good I thought.

Well……… kind of did but I still felt odd.

Walking in to the hall I looked around and saw a few familiar faces. The activity topic was making model dinosaurs and I just wasn’t feeling it. Normally I’ll give most crafty and creative things a try but I just didn’t want to today. I sat at the end of the table, sipping on my cup of tea, watching the group getting stuck in but I had no inclination to join in. I tried to make a little kind of creature with wire, corks and pipe cleaners but I got to a point where I looked at it and just thought “what the hell is that?”. I actually felt disappointed with myself at creating something which looked like nothing.

I got up and left everyone to it while saying a brief goodbye to a select few.

Why did I feel this way?

What triggered this response?

I have genuinely no idea but it had left me feeling a bit deflated for today so I’ve come home, I’ve put the radio on the telly and I’m just sat here in the living room listening to the music while tapping my feet along to the drum sections.

It’s amazing what a bit of Nirvana and Rammstein can do.

Oh, and if you’re wondering what I think of ‘The Dark Crystal’ the answer is I’m undecided just now. It looks stunning (it’s by the Jim Henson team, like the original film) but I still have such a soft spot for the film I don’t know what to make of it just now. I’m reserving judgement until I’ve watched the whole series.

Until the next time………